How do you know if you’re ready to have sex?
Sex seems glamorous, especially the way it’s shown in the media, where people hop into bed with each other with no talk of consequences. Things go perfectly and they wake up snuggling the next morning, all warm and happy.
But that’s not reality. Sometimes sex is awkward and doesn’t go quite as planned. And partners need to have some pretty thoughtful discussions beforehand.
In this post, we’re going to try to answer the “am I ready?” question with a series of other questions – for both you and your partner. Discussing these issues is a great way to get started.
Why do you want to have sex?
That question sounds easy, doesn’t it? Doesn’t everyone want to have sex? Isn’t everyone having sex already?
You might think so, especially if you watch a lot of movies and TV. You also might overhear conversations. It seems like everyone is doing it except you.
That’s not true though. Sometimes people embellish or lie about their sexual experiences.
Think about why you want to have sex. Is it because you love your partner and want to take those feelings to a physical level? Do you want to have the emotional closeness with that person that sex can bring? Sex can be wonderful when both partners feel this way.
Or do you feel pressured to do it – either by your peers or your partner? Is your partner saying things like “if you loved me, you would”? Is sex something you feel you need to get over with? Do you feel like having sex will bring you closer to adulthood?
If this is the case, think twice about having sex.
Lots of people wait. Some don’t want to worry about pregnancy or sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs). Others feel that sex right now goes against their religious or cultural beliefs.
And some just don’t feel ready. If you feel you should wait until you’re more comfortable with the responsibilities of having sex or in a more committed relationship, that’s perfectly fine. Congratulate yourself on having the maturity to know what is right for you.
Do you know how sex “works”?
Sex can be mysterious, especially in an anatomical sense. Before you have sex, it helps to understand your own body – and that of your partner.
It’s easy to assume that your partner “knows it all” and will know exactly what to do. But your partner might be just as inexperienced as you are.
You might decide to take it slow and learn more about each other’s bodies. Or you might decide to wait until you’re clearer about what you’re doing.
Can You Talk to Your Partner?
Sex can be tough to talk about. Almost everyone has trouble opening up about it at times. But before you have sex, you and your partner need to have a heart-to-heart talk. And you both need to be honest. Here are some questions to get you started:
Reasons and Feelings
- Is sex something we want to do? Or do we feel pressured to do it?
- What is our relationship like now? What kind of future might we have?
- Do we love each other?
- Do we trust and respect each other?
- Are there any aspects of sex that make us nervous or frighten us?
- How do we feel about seeing each other naked or touching each other in an intimate way?
- Can we handle the emotional aspects of sex?
Preparing
- What method of birth control will we use?
- How we will get this birth control?
- Do we know how to use it properly?
- If a partner has had sex before, what is his/her STD status?
- How will we lower the risk of STDs?
- What will we do if one of us wants to stop having sex, even if we’re in the middle of it?
- Where will we have sex?
Consequences
- What will we do if there’s a pregnancy?
- Are we mature enough to make decisions about keeping a baby, giving it up for adoption, or terminating a pregnancy?
- How would we manage to care for a baby? Can we afford it?
- Are we willing to change our future plans dramatically if there is a pregnancy?
- What if one of us gets an STD? What will we do about treatment?
The relationship
- Will we have sex only with each other?
- What if one partner “cheats”?
- What happens if we break up?
- If we break up, will we be able to handle the emotional aspects?
Can you talk to a trusted and experienced confidant?
All these questions can make your head spin. Sometimes, it helps to talk to a trusted person who knows you well. It may also help to talk with a professional, such as a mental health counselor, a member of the clergy, or your healthcare provider.
Are you ready for sex?
Here we are, back to the main question. Are you ready to start having sex?
The answer is up to you.
Resources
Planned Parenthood
“Am I Ready?”
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teens/sex/am-i-ready
Sutter Health/Palo Alto Medical Foundation
“Am I Ready?”
(Last reviewed: October 2013)
You may also be interested in...
Other Popular Articles
What Is Jelqing, and Does It Actually Work?
The term “jelqing” refers to a set of penis stretching exercises that some believe can make the penis bigger. Although the practice has gained attention and popularity in blogs and internet forums in recent years, there is no scientific evidence that it is an effective way to permanently increase the size of one’s penis. In fact, in some cases, jelqing may actually cause damage to the penis, so it is a good idea to get all the facts before setting off to try it.
What Is Sensate Focus and How Does It Work?
Sensate focus is a technique used to improve intimacy and communication between partners around sex, reduce sexual performance anxiety, and shift away from ingrained, goal-oriented sexual patterns that may not be serving a couple.
What Is the Average Penis Size?
If you have ever wondered how your penis compares to others in terms of size, you are not alone. Many men are curious to know how their penises stack up compared to the average. Unfortunately, general curiosity can sometimes give way to full-on obsession and anxiety about penis size. This can be an unhealthy and often unnecessary fixation, especially because most men who think their penises are too small have perfectly normal-sized penises.
What Is Edging and Why Do People Do It?
Edging is the practice of stopping sexual stimulation before reaching orgasm to prolong a sexual experience. The term stems from the concept of approaching the metaphorical “edge” of orgasm but stopping before going over the edge.
Can Sex Reduce Menstrual Cramps?
The SMSNA periodically receives and publishes ‘guest editorials.’ The current article was submitted by Mia Barnes, a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in women's health, wellness, and healthy living. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind Magazine.
Having sex while you experience menstrual cramps is healthy and can provide significant benefits. While it might not be the first activity that comes to mind when your PMS or period cramping begins, many people enjoy sex to reduce menstrual cramps, experience increased pleasure and benefit from other advantages. Learn more about having sex while menstrual cramps are happening and how it can help your body.
Can Sex Throw off Your Vaginal pH Balance?
The SMSNA periodically receives and publishes ‘guest editorials.’ The current article was submitted by Mia Barnes, a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in women's health, wellness, and healthy living. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind Magazine.
Your vagina is a pretty powerful organ. It is a pathway for menstrual blood and babies. It also is a main player in sexual intercourse. You might hear about your vagina’s pH and worry that yours is at risk. Here’s what to know about vaginal pH, including the impacts sex could have.
