A sex journal, or sex diary, is exactly what it sounds like: a place you can go to write specifically about sexual activity, encounters, sensations and more. In the past few years, there has been an uptick in interest about sex journals and the influences they can have on a person’s sex life – or communication with a partner. Some wellness websites even sell guided sex journals, with the intention that they will help someone activate their best sexual self.
The idea of a sex diary is rooted in therapeutic tactics typically used for other purposes. For example, mindfulness journaling or journaling in general has been used in myriad therapy settings and boosted as a technique by various psychology journals for self-regulation and exploring deep-rooted thoughts and feelings patients may be hesitant to share vocally.
Benefits of Keeping a Sex Journal
There are several benefits highlighted by sex therapists and general psychologists about keeping a diary dedicated to sexual activity. For one, journaling in general encourages mindfulness. In turn, sexual journaling may help with sexual mindfulness, which has been suggested by Mayo Clinic as a way to help mitigate sexual distress. Journaling allows someone to focus on what is happening in the moment and how that makes them feel, rather than any intrusive thoughts that may cross their mind during sexual activity.
Particularly in the case of those experiencing sexual trauma, a 2024 study suggests expressive writing may be beneficial toward sexual functioning. Journaling about how sex makes you feel can help identify how you feel about sex, leading to a better understanding of how best to move forward in sexual encounters.
Sex journaling can also help to identify sexual dysfunctions. Cataloguing symptoms and how they make you feel can help you to better understand the condition you may be dealing with. Whether that’s anorgasmia (the distressing inability to orgasm), anejaculation (the distressing inability for males to ejaculate), vulvodynia (pain in the vulva), or other dysfunctions. Writing down how your body feels during and after sex can help identify patterns that may be useful to know when speaking with healthcare professionals. Perhaps a medication is causing pain or sexual dysfunction. Knowing where in the dosage cycle your sexual functioning is affected can help you to plan sexual encounters or communicate about trying a new medication.
Understanding your own sexual needs through sexual mindfulness journaling can help improve sexual functioning by identifying which areas are erogenous zones for you, or how best you experience pleasure or reach orgasm. This kind of information can help you to communicate with a sexual partner about what works for you and vice versa.
It may also be useful to include a long-term sexual partner in the journaling process. Using statements like “It made me feel good when you did blank” or “I felt closer to orgasm when you touched me here (erogenous zone)” can help you to start a conversation about how to help each other mutually orgasm and ultimately work toward a stronger sexual relationship.
How To Keep a Sex Journal
- Make it your own. Whether using a physical notebook, guided journal bought online, or a digital version, the way you use your journal is up to you. Write and organize thoughts the way you want.
- Write about more than just sexual encounters. How does sex make you feel outside of the bedroom? What do you think about certain sexual behaviors or techniques?
- Make sure to log any sensations felt during sex. Was it painful? Pleasurable? Was there a certain thing you did that was extra pleasurable? This includes during masturbation.
- Keep track of aftercare. How did you and your partner connect on an emotional level afterward?
- Make space for conversation. If this sex journal is yours and yours alone, that’s okay too. But if you’re using it as a way to communicate with your partner, it may be helpful to leave space for your partner to write their own thoughts and feelings down or respond to your “I feel” statements.
Make sure to speak with a sexual health professional if you are experiencing distressing physical or mental sensations from sexual activity. They may be able to help you discover ways to positively influence your sexual health.
References:
Kassel, G. (n.d.). How to keep a chronic sex diary. Health Central. https://www.healthcentral.com/article/how-to-keep-a-chronic-sex-diary
Leavitt, C. E., Lefkowitz, E. S., & Waterman, E. A. (2019). The role of sexual mindfulness in sexual wellbeing, Relational Wellbeing, and self-esteem. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 45(6), 497–509. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623x.2019.1572680
Meston, C. M., Lorenz, T. A., & Stephenson, K. R. (2013). Effects of expressive writing on sexual dysfunction, depression, and PTSD in women with a history of childhood sexual abuse: Results from a randomized clinical trial. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 10(9), 2177–2189. https://doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12247
Vegunta, S. (2022, November 17). Mind over matter: Practicing sexual mindfulness. Mayo Clinic. https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/living-well/mind-over-matter-practicing-sexual-mindfulness/
Weir, K. (2019, February). CE Corner: Sex therapy for the 21st century: Five emerging directions. Monitor on psychology. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/02/cover-ce-corner
You may also be interested in...
Other Popular Articles
What Is Jelqing, and Does It Actually Work?
The term “jelqing” refers to a set of penis stretching exercises that some believe can make the penis bigger. Although the practice has gained attention and popularity in blogs and internet forums in recent years, there is no scientific evidence that it is an effective way to permanently increase the size of one’s penis. In fact, in some cases, jelqing may actually cause damage to the penis, so it is a good idea to get all the facts before setting off to try it.
What Is Sensate Focus and How Does It Work?
Sensate focus is a technique used to improve intimacy and communication between partners around sex, reduce sexual performance anxiety, and shift away from ingrained, goal-oriented sexual patterns that may not be serving a couple.
What Is the Average Penis Size?
If you have ever wondered how your penis compares to others in terms of size, you are not alone. Many men are curious to know how their penises stack up compared to the average. Unfortunately, general curiosity can sometimes give way to full-on obsession and anxiety about penis size. This can be an unhealthy and often unnecessary fixation, especially because most men who think their penises are too small have perfectly normal-sized penises.
Can Sex Reduce Menstrual Cramps?
The SMSNA periodically receives and publishes ‘guest editorials.’ The current article was submitted by Mia Barnes, a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in women's health, wellness, and healthy living. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind Magazine.
Having sex while you experience menstrual cramps is healthy and can provide significant benefits. While it might not be the first activity that comes to mind when your PMS or period cramping begins, many people enjoy sex to reduce menstrual cramps, experience increased pleasure and benefit from other advantages. Learn more about having sex while menstrual cramps are happening and how it can help your body.
The Effect of Regular Aerobic Exercise on Erectile Function
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual activity. As men get older, their erectile functioning may naturally decline due to changes in testosterone levels, cardiovascular functioning, and the potential development of other chronic medical conditions that become more common with age.
What Is Edging and Why Do People Do It?
Edging is the practice of stopping sexual stimulation before reaching orgasm to prolong a sexual experience. The term stems from the concept of approaching the metaphorical “edge” of orgasm but stopping before going over the edge.
