The concept of “rough sex” has risen in the past decade, especially in young adults as they begin to explore their sexual self. This likely comes with increasing references in TV shows, movies, porn, books, popular music, and social media.
Rough sex can be defined by practices such as hair pulling, biting, spanking, slapping, choking, smothering, and name calling. All of these behaviors are intended to be consensual, non-violent, and a part of sexual activity and foreplay.
Although these practices are discussed in popular media as kinky, rough sex should not be used interchangeably with kink culture or BDSM (bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, and sadism & masochism). The kink and BDSM communities tend to have very specific boundaries and nuances to protect practitioners that those partaking in rough sex may not be aware of.
How prevalent is rough sex?
According to one study published in 2025, around 48% of women and 60% of men reported trying at least one rough sex-related behavior on their partner in their lifetime. Also, around 54% of women and 46% of men reported that their partner had tried at least one rough sex-related behavior on them in their lifetime. All of these instances were consensual.
The top behaviors in this group? Biting, spanking (lightly, or enough to leave a mark), hair pulling, choking, and genital slapping. The researchers believe rough sex between couples indicates a certain level of trust and vulnerability that may increase closeness. Additionally, while these behaviors are popular and may overlap with BDSM, people who engage in rough sex may not be well-versed in the behaviors, which could lead to some adverse events.
Why do people practice rough sex?
One study on the biology of BDSM points to the sex and “happy” hormones as playing a role in the reactions practitioners have to the behaviors involved. Oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, estrogen, and testosterone help facilitate the relationship between emotional intimacy, sexual desire, and reward (which plays a large role in BDSM). Those who partake in BDSM or rough sex may enter what feels like a trance state, allowing their body to relax and fully enjoy the experience.
Additionally, stress on the body can increase the stress hormone, cortisol, which researchers compare to a “runners high.” Even if running hurts the knees, ankles, and lungs when out of breath, a runner will still go on a run the next day. Essentially, once cortisol drops, the “submissive” in this situation (who is having the things done to them) may feel a euphoric rush. On the flip side, the dominant (who is doing the things) may not feel the effects of cortisol but may feel some sort of rush from the “happy hormones” oxytocin and vasopressin. Of course, the effects of dopamine in play with the reward system can combine to influence sexual arousal the next time around.
How safe is it?
The caveat with the rise in rough sex is that, while enjoyable and consensual for most individuals, there may still be many instances where rough sex is nonconsensual and can lead to bodily harm. In rare instances, there have been deaths from behaviors like choking and smothering. Whether or not this was consensual, the narrative tends to carry a “rough sex gone wrong” stigma, which may be a deterrent against reporting in such instances.
In line with this, the BDSM community emphasizes creating clear boundaries and safety protocols while “in play.” Something those dabbling in rough sex for the first time may not understand or know to do. If someone is trying rough sex for the first time, it is important to establish some sort of safe word or clearly outline hard nos and boundaries beforehand.
One study on sexual choking outlines that while choking can elicit a euphoric sensation during and after orgasm, there may be long-term effects on breathing and brain function with repeated practice. These effects may include slight vision impairment, increases in depression, and problems swallowing or breathing within 24 hours post-choking. Conversely, researchers found that choking during sex may actually decrease anxiety, but it is not advised as a prescription.
Key points:
- Rough sex (not to be confused with BDSM), has risen in popularity within the past decade, likely due to higher visibility in popular media.
- The hormones that are affected by rough sex play may be influential toward its repeated practice amongst many couples.
- Rough sex can be safe if consensual and non-violent, with clear boundaries in place.
Resources:
Döring, N., Mohseni, M. R., Pietras, L., Dekker, A., & Briken, P. (2024). Research in brief: How prevalent is Rough sex? results from a national online sample of adults in Germany. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 56(2), 90–97. https://doi.org/10.1111/psrh.12267
Herbenick, D., Fu, T., Chen, X., Ali, S., Simić Stanojević, I., Hensel, D. J., Wright, P. J., Peterson, Z. D., Harezlak, J., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2025). Prevalence and demographic correlates of “rough sex” behaviors: Findings from a U.S. nationally representative survey of adults ages 18–94 years. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 54(9), 3435–3469. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-025-03245-9
Labrecque, F., Potz, A., Larouche, É., & Joyal, C. C. (2021). What is so appealing about being spanked, flogged, dominated, or restrained? answers from practitioners of sexual masochism/submission. The Journal of Sex Research, 58(4), 409–423. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2020.1767025
Sweeney, S. H., Huibregtse, M. E., Day, H., Buddenbaum, C. V., Recht, G. O., Buehler, B., Herbenick, D., & Kawata, K. (2026). Clinical characteristics of acute sexual strangulation/choking: A randomized cross-over study. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 23(1). https://doi.org/10.1093/jsxmed/qdaf356
Wuyts, E., & Morrens, M. (2022). The Biology of BDSM: A systematic review. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 19(1), 144–157. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2021.11.002
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