If the concept of “aftercare” is foreign to you, you are likely not alone. Aftercare as depicted in popular movies and TV can often feel like a very “one or the other” type of deal. Either the couple is affectionate, or hygienic, with no in-between. However, in the past decade, social media platforms like Tik Tok and online fan content websites like Archive of Our Own or Wattpad have increased the visibility and conversation around aftercare as a totally normal and necessary aspect of anyone’s sex life. In fact, you may not even know that what you do after sex is considered aftercare!
While some movies depict long embraces immediately following an orgasm or falling asleep in utter bliss as the ideal scenario post-coitus, others may show an immediate dash to the bathroom to urinate, shower, and generally avoid further connection. But which one is considered “right?” Modern research and conversation say it’s both.
Hygiene
For women, hygiene is an important part of after-sex care to avoid infections like bacterial vaginosis and urinary tract infections (UTIs). It’s advised to avoid douching, tight and synthetic underwear, and other scented or irritating products. Sexual activity can cause a lot of irritation to the genitalia, so avoiding further irritation is helpful.
A better option is to wash the area with just water, and either go commando or wear loose-fitting cotton underwear that’s breathable. The vagina may discharge following sex, so having porous materials to wick the moisture can help avoid an environment that allows bacteria to grow.
There is currently conflicting information about whether or not urinating after sexual activity is beneficial or not. The long-standing belief is that urinating after sex is necessary to flush out any bacteria that may have entered the urethra as soon as possible, therefore avoiding UTIs. While more recent research has shown this may not actually do anything, the US Center for Disease Control still recommends urination to avoid UTIs. Drinking water after sex can help with dehydration and urination.
Men will also want to wash their penis with water, and those who are not circumcised will want to gently pull back their foreskin and run the glans (head) under warm water only. Foreskin can trap bacteria as well, providing an environment that bacteria find very homey. Washing the glans with water can help reduce the risk of complications like balanitis/phimosis and UTIs.
Additionally, washing any sexual aids used is necessary to keep these devices from hosting harmful bacteria that could then be passed to the genitalia in their next use.
Affectionate Actions
A 2014 study concluded that good quality and prolonged periods of affectionate actions like hugging, kissing, and cuddling after partnered sexual activity can be extremely beneficial in strengthening a couple’s satisfaction with their relationship. This study also emphasized the importance of communicating about the sexual experience.
Essentially, couples should spend time talking about what felt good and what didn’t, helping open the door to more fluid communication about sexual satisfaction. The main conclusion was that sexual satisfaction can help with relationship satisfaction.
Another study from 2020 also found that “pillow talk,” or what is commonly described as deep conversations following partnered sexual activity, can also increase relationship satisfaction. Between both of these studies, it may be concluded that spending quality time together after partnered sexual activity is beneficial to the health of the overall relationship.
Key Points
- Don’t just roll over and sleep right after sex, even if your body wants to. Aftercare involves both the health of the body and the mind, taking care of reproductive and relationship health.
- It’s important to wash the genital area with warm water, peeling back foreskin if it applies, and to avoid irritants like douching, tight and synthetic underwear, and scented wipes or soaps.
- It’s recommended to urinate following sexual activity.
- Drinking water helps to rehydrate the body and can help with urination if needed.
- Spend time with your partner to converse, cuddle, kiss, or anything that feels intimate and safe.
Resources
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024, January 22). Urinary tract infection basics. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/uti/about/index.html
Denes, A., Crowley, J. P., Winkler, K. L., Dhillon, A., Ponivas, A. L., & Bennett, M. (2020). Exploring the effects of pillow talk on relationship satisfaction and physiological stress responses to couples’ difficult conversations. Communication Monographs, 87(3), 267–290. https://doi.org/10.1080/03637751.2020.1726424
Leeson, C., Vigil, H., & Witherspoon, L. (2025). Foreskin care. Canadian Family Physician, 71(2), 97–102. https://doi.org/10.46747/cfp.710297
Lohova-Matisa, E., Rezeberga, D., & Miskova, A. (2025). Feminine intimate hygiene: A review of healthy and unhealthy habits in women. Medicina, 61(7), 1302. https://doi.org/10.3390/medicina61071302
Muise, A., Giang, E., & Impett, E. A. (2014). Post sex affectionate exchanges promote sexual and relationship satisfaction. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43(7), 1391–1402. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-014-0305-3
Seid, M., Markos, M., Aklilu, A., Manilal, A., Zakir, A., Kebede, T., Kulayta, K., & Endashaw, G. (2023). Community-acquired urinary tract infection among sexually active women: Risk factors, bacterial profile and their antimicrobial susceptibility patterns, Arba Minch, southern Ethiopia. Infection and Drug Resistance, Volume 16, 2297–2310. https://doi.org/10.2147/idr.s407092
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