Sexual fantasies are mental images that trigger arousal or sexual excitement in an individual. Although cultural, societal, and religious influences have often lent a certain taboo to sexual fantasies, they are actually quite common and occur universally.
In fact, a 2014 study that evaluated the nature and intensity of 55 different sexual fantasies in 1,516 men and women reported that only two of the fantasies were statistically rare (shared by 2.3% or less of the participants) and nine were statistically unusual (15.9% or less). The majority of the sexual fantasies described in the survey (39 out of 55) were statistically common, meaning they were endorsed by more than 50% of the participants. Finally, five of the fantasies were statistically typical, or shared by more than 84.1% of the participants.
Others have since expanded on research about sexual fantasies, including social psychologist and author Justin J. Lehmiller, Ph.D., who asked 4,175 Americans to share their favorite sexual fantasy in their own words when doing research for his book on sexuality. Dr. Lehmiller reviewed the responses and created a list of the seven most common themes of sexual fantasies, which are outlined below.
- Passion, romance, and intimacy: Research shows that not all sexual fantasies are “kinky.” Many people fantasize about fostering intimacy with their partner through sex as well as feeling loved and appreciated.
- Multi-partner sex: Some of the most frequently reported sexual fantasies fall into the category of multi-partner sex. This includes threesomes (sex with three participants) and orgies (sex with more than three participants).
- Rough or dominant sex: Many individuals fantasize about rough or dominant sex. Such fantasies may involve spanking or being spanked, tying up a partner or being tied up, and other power- or control-related sexual practices. BDSM (bondage-discipline, dominance-submission, and/or sadism-masochism) encompasses many of the sexual fantasies in this category.
- Novelty, adventure, and variety: People fantasize about shaking things up in their sex lives, whether it be having sex in a new location, trying a new sexual activity, or having sex in a new position.
- Taboo activities: The idea of engaging in a sexual activity that is generally considered unusual, abnormal, or off-limits is exciting to many people. Lehmiller included fetishes and paraphilias (i.e. recurring, intense sexual interest in atypical objects, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals) under the umbrella of taboo activities.
- Non-monogamy: Fantasies that involve non-monogamous sexual activity are arousing to some individuals. This could be having an open relationship, swinging, polyamory (consensual non-monogamy), or cuckolding (having a partner who is sexually unfaithful).
- Erotic flexibility: It is common for individuals of all sexual orientations to fantasize about gender-bending (exploring the boundaries of their own gender presentation or dress) and sexual fluidity (sexual fantasies involving participants of different genders or sexual orientations than a person usually explores).
While this list includes the most common sexual fantasies from Lehmiller’s research, it may not encompass all sexual fantasies. Additionally, it is not uncommon for people to have fantasies that fall into multiple categories or themes. Although sexual fantasies are common, if you experience recurrent, distressing fantasies or sexual urges, it may be beneficial to seek the support of a psychologist, counselor, or sex therapist.
Resources:
Joyal, C.C., Cossette, A., & Lapierre, V. (2015). What Exactly Is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy? The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 12(2), 328-340. https://www.jsm.jsexmed.org/article/S1743-6095(15)30944-9/fulltext
Kassel, G. Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, CST. (2019, October 29). The 7 Most Common Sexual Fantasies and What to Do About Them. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/sexual-fantasies.
Lehmiller, J. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. (2019, November 18). Our 7 Most Common Sexual Fantasies. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/201911/our-7-most-common-sexual-fantasies
You may also be interested in...
SMSNA Patients
Sex and Multiple Sclerosis: Barriers Between Patients and Providers
May 18, 2021Did You Know?
The Sex-Positivity Movement: What it Means to Be Sex-Positive
July 20, 2021SMSNA Patients
New Survey Finds Most Adolescents Who Have Labia Minora Surgery Are Satisfied
May 4, 2021Did You Know?
What Is the Average Penis Size?
June 1, 2021Blog
The Gynogram: Paving the Way for Better Postmenopausal Sex?
July 6, 2021SMSNA Patients
Benefits of Sexual Activity During COVID-19 Lockdown
February 9, 2021Did You Know?
Outercourse
March 23, 2021Did You Know?
Alcohol and Temporary Erectile Dysfunction
February 2, 2021Did You Know?
Q&A on “Blue Ball” Syndrome
January 20, 2021Other Popular Articles
What Is Jelqing, and Does It Actually Work?
The term “jelqing” refers to a set of penis stretching exercises that some believe can make the penis bigger. Although the practice has gained attention and popularity in blogs and internet forums in recent years, there is no scientific evidence that it is an effective way to permanently increase the size of one’s penis. In fact, in some cases, jelqing may actually cause damage to the penis, so it is a good idea to get all the facts before setting off to try it.
What Is Sensate Focus and How Does It Work?
Sensate focus is a technique used to improve intimacy and communication between partners around sex, reduce sexual performance anxiety, and shift away from ingrained, goal-oriented sexual patterns that may not be serving a couple.
What Is the Average Penis Size?
If you have ever wondered how your penis compares to others in terms of size, you are not alone. Many men are curious to know how their penises stack up compared to the average. Unfortunately, general curiosity can sometimes give way to full-on obsession and anxiety about penis size. This can be an unhealthy and often unnecessary fixation, especially because most men who think their penises are too small have perfectly normal-sized penises.
Can Sex Reduce Menstrual Cramps?
The SMSNA periodically receives and publishes ‘guest editorials.’ The current article was submitted by Mia Barnes, a freelance writer and researcher who specializes in women's health, wellness, and healthy living. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind Magazine.
Having sex while you experience menstrual cramps is healthy and can provide significant benefits. While it might not be the first activity that comes to mind when your PMS or period cramping begins, many people enjoy sex to reduce menstrual cramps, experience increased pleasure and benefit from other advantages. Learn more about having sex while menstrual cramps are happening and how it can help your body.
The Effect of Regular Aerobic Exercise on Erectile Function
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual activity. As men get older, their erectile functioning may naturally decline due to changes in testosterone levels, cardiovascular functioning, and the potential development of other chronic medical conditions that become more common with age.
What Is Edging and Why Do People Do It?
Edging is the practice of stopping sexual stimulation before reaching orgasm to prolong a sexual experience. The term stems from the concept of approaching the metaphorical “edge” of orgasm but stopping before going over the edge.
